Was it a joke?

My mind is reeling out of control. What is happening to me? Where is everyone? How come it feels like I'm so alone? Is my mind over thinking things as usual?

I know everyone has their own lives to fulfill... Friends they want to hang out with, work to accomplish. But it really strikes when your best friend is no where to be found. And when he was, he ignored me. It hurts so much to know that, especially when the reply to my inquiry about whether he was ignoring me was, "Yeah, you are only figuring that out now?"

People say that I should know who to turn to when I'm alone, depressed, in a funky mood. God. It is easy isn't it? Just look to Him and everything is alright. Trust me, I'm trying to hold on to every last ray of hope and it is dying. I guess this is one of my more darker moments. But I know that He is there, I just wish He wasn't so silent.

Breathe in, breathe out... Just calm down. Maybe this is good. Maybe I just need to find myself. But please God, clear my mind. All these thoughts are disrupting my studies, my life, my heart. Please, protect me from myself, before I drown.